Not Ready Just Yet
by everyone'ssister
Summary: Tag for 11.21 Dean and Sam are rushing to save the world once again. But with Dean in between the light and dark just what is the price they have to pay?
NOT READY JUST YET

TAG FOR 11.21 ALL IN THE FAMILY

Sam stops in the doorframe of the storage room where God had dumped the impala and looks down the hall before he enters. He can hear Chuck's voice echoing down the halls singing some old tune, vaguely familiar in Sam's ears. But then all folk songs are 'vaguely' familiar. He smirks thinking of his brother's exasperation early.

He enters, shutting the door behind him, and approaches the car, the front door of which is standing open. Even though he can't see Dean he knows he's here, somehow he can always tell when his brother is safe and content in the confines of his faithful vehicle.

He smiles fondly, finding Dean on his back, arms crossed across his chest, headphones booming. His legs and feet hang off the seat out of the car, his head pillowed by his jacket. He can only imagine Dean's aggravation at finding the fine black dust all over the impala and the tires as bald as can be.

But now Dean is momentarily peaceful. He's safe in the impala, the headphones block out Chuck and his divine presence and his incessant singing, Amara must be leaving him alone. Probably sore Dean turned her down again, Sam thinks, feeling disturbingly smug.

Sam sighs thinking about all the last twenty-four hours has held for them, especially Dean. He once again can't help but be outraged at how unfair everything was for his big brother. He doesn't know all that happened when he met Amara but he knew it had impacted his big brother negatively. Mentally, spiritually, Sam was not entirely happy with his brother's state right now.

Dean believed God existed, he just didn't believe IN him. Dean wanted to stay in this world, he wasn't ready to go yet, but in order to save it Sam was afraid of what his brother would do. Dean was the very essence of vigorous life and raw energy, all of which he poured into helping people and being there for his loved ones. Maybe that was what made his soul so beautiful and pure.

Dean cracks one eye open and catches sight of his little brother watching him through the windshield. The tender look on his face was enough to make anyone sick on their stomach. Dean grimaces thinking Sam was more than likely thinking about him at this particular, obviously sappy moment.

He yawns, dragging the headphones off his head, and stretches before using a hand on the back of Baby's seat to drag himself up. Sam breaks from his trance and saunters around the opened door to lean against the back door, watching Dean raise himself.

Dean frowns at the dust that comes off on his hands when he pulls himself to his feet by grabbing onto the impala's roof. He wipes his hands off on the back of his pants and lands his glare on Sam.

"Hand Baby over to you for one second and you ruin her." He grumbles.

"I didn't ruin her, she's just a little dirty." Sam chuckles, running a hand down her too, but clears his throat embarrassed by the dirty film he finds there. "Okay maybe I'm a little careless, how do you keep her so clean?"

Dean shrugs, placing hands on his hips as he steps back from his car to observe her. "How the hell am I supposed to get her out of here?"

"I'm sure Chuck will move her back out if you asked, I'll get him..."

"Uh no," Dean says, cocking an eyebrow, "That's fine, I'm sure we can wait."

"I don't know why your pissed at me," Sam says innocently, "It was your girlfriend who tried to wreck us. And she didn't look like she was going to have any mercy on your beloved car."

Dean scowls at that, "She's not my girlfriend," is all he can offer up.

"Creepy, divine stalker?" Sam suggests.

Dean groans, "Please stop talking."

Sam smirks, but then sobers. "Dude, she's scary."

"You're telling me." Dean comments vaguely as he kneels, studying a nick on the impala's back door behind Sam's leg. "Would you move?" He asks, exasperated.

Sam looks up from his musings, "Oh right, sorry."

Dean rolls his eyes, sticks his thumb in his mouth, and uses the wet appendage to remove most of the mark from the impala's black finish. Sam watches, standing over Dean's bent figure.

"Amara's all concentrated energy with this cold sureness that everything she does is right. I mean, when someone is that sure they're right, you almost have to believe part of their story is true."

Dean nods thoughtfully at that. Resting his elbow on his knee, looking up at Sam.

"She can be very convincing."

Sam cocks his head, feeling worry for the first time. Was she convincing Dean? What had she said to him, other than she wanted him to be a part of her? What had she offered him? Surely God's sister could offer Dean a better life than the one he had now. Sam has abandonment issues, he's long since reconciled himself to that.

"By that you mean?"

Dean inclines his head of one side, "While she is all concentrated God-power and crap and I've definitely seen coldness especially when she talks about her brother, she's still like him. She has a personality and a warmth to her just like God does. Bottom line, Sam, she was wronged and she just wants justice and revenge like all of us do."

Sam raises a critical eyebrow and crosses his arms looking down at his brother, "You sound pretty won over."

Dean holds up his hands, "All I'm saying is God obviously has his issues, and his sister does too...they both have their reasons for doing the things they're doing. Amara will destroy earth and humanity to get back at her brother and that makes her our enemy. But God locked up his only family so he could throw a few atoms around and create us like little toys, now he either has to kiss us goodbye or stand up to said pissed off sibling and he can't even decide which one is the right thing to do."

He gives Sam a hard look and turns back to his car, fingers coming back dusty again. "So I'm not going to be the one to say which one of them is better. This life chooses our enemies and allies for us, and it just so happens that things have turned out this way, I don't really believe Amara and God are that different, from each other, from us, from humanity...but our jobs, our responsibility to this world makes her the bad guy...that's all I know."

Sam blinks in surprise at his brother's insightful outbreak and has to agree with everything he's said. "So where does that leave us?" He asks, watching Dean frown at the tires.

Dean snorts and responds vaguely, "With God-awful singing in our bunker, is where, and no pun intended."

Sam chuckles and watches Dean's fingers drift over the tires.

"You stripped the tires!" Dean exclaims, and Sam winces a little.

"I was trying to get away...but we didn't really get anywhere, she was really strong..."

"Sam, she withstood a hand of God, I'm fairly certain the impala is no match for her." Dean levels a glare at him and Sam gulps.

"You know when clouds of smoke are coming out from under the tires and your not going anywhere, you're ruining MY tires?!"

Sam does his best to look as small as possible and gazes up at his big brother with the best puppy dog eyes he has. "I do now."

Dean just waves him off standing and walking around the impala, examining every tire. "My baby's always getting caught in the crossfire if it's not you," he grumbles to Sam... "This time it was both of you!"

Sam gives a dry chuckle, "You thought she would leave me and the car alone for your sake?"

"She had until now," Dean shoots back moodily.

"Dude, I've been infected with her 'darkness' twice now. I'm pretty sure there's no lost love there."

Dean looks chagrinned for a moment, then crestfallen. "I'm sorry Sammy, I thought I was protecting you, I thought...well I musta been fooling myself."

Sam takes a step towards him, "Don't do that Dean," he says, "Don't beat yourself up for something you have no control over, don't shut me out like that...tell me."

Dean's shoulders slump forward resignedly, "I thought if I stayed on 'her good side' I could protect us from her...but I guess I was wrong, I guess I just wanted an excuse for being drawn to her. For not being able to stop it."

Sam sighs and joins Dean on the opposite side of the car, "We already went over this Dean."

He leans against the impala, so Dean does too beside him, both crossing their arms and frowning deeply.

"You really think this is your fault somehow? That its your fault she chose you?"

Dean shrugs, shoulders still slumped miserably. "I don't know what to think anymore, Sam!" He says, frustrated. "Chuck told me I was the 'wall' between light and darkness, what even the hell does that mean? How do I even do that?

"So if you think it was merely coincidence that Amara chose me, or that I had the mark of Cain, think again, because this just seems like a big ugly repeat of when the angel's were telling us our destinies and all that shit." He pushes away from the impala and paces a few steps away.

Sam's mind, for a few terrifying moments, screeches to a stop. No, no, no, this cannot be happening! Divine powers cannot be at work within and around his brother again! When will these 'beings' learn that Dean is his own man...that Dean is his brother, damnit! He knows how this ends, it ends with his brother broken, bloody...dead.

Dean always sacrifices for humanity, the earth, the right thing. And just because these douchebags of gods have family drama doesn't mean Dean must give up everything, Sam must give up everything.

He's filled with the strongest urge to grab Dean, lock him up in the dungeon, throw Chuck out of the bunker and ward it up like no one's business..and forget about the rest of the world and its problems. Instead, he just watches Dean's stressed pacing as his own heart beats way out of rhythm.

Finally he's ready to say something.

"Dean no."

"No what?" Dean asks, stoping mid step, turning towards his brother.

"No, we're not doing this. We have done enough...you have done enough. You don't need to stand between Chuck and Amara, this is not your fight. There's not supposed to be a tug of war for you between light and darkness, you are better and bigger than both those things.

"Sacrificing yourself to either of them is not victory, it's not going to work. We've been through this before, no matter what price we pay there's always a bigger rebound."

Dean shrugs miserably, "But who am I to say I'm too selfish to give my life for every other human being on this planet. I mean, I know this is in the bible and stuff but better one man than all the people, right?"

Sam scoffs, "That's stupid and you know it."

"Sam," Dean says coming towards him. "We knew this was going to take a lot, we knew how this was more than likely going to end."

The ache surrounding Sam's soul is almost overwhelming, "But this all came out of me trying to save you...this is not how it was supposed to be."

Dean walks up to him, stands directly in front of his dejected little brother, "Hey," he whispers, leaning to catch his eyes, "I will be the last person to say I told you so, but we have to deal with the repercussions, Sammy. But it's going to be alright."

Sam shakes his head, sniffing and crossing his arms tighter over his chest as if to protect himself from his big brother's words.

"But you can't just give yourself up...that's the same as giving up!" He bursts out. Dean sighs and leans against the impala beside Sam again

"That very well may be, Sammy," he says quietly, "But sometimes you have to realize when your whipped."

"We are not whipped." Sam says firmly, "We will find a way."

Dean chuckles and smirks, knocking shoulders with his not-so-little brother, "I'm not saying we are, Sammy." Dean pauses thinking back to Amara's hand on his skin, soft and like it belonged, but also like a stain, stinging him with shame. He thinks of the peaceful, blissful feeling only she brings...thinks how if he was with her again, she'd probably change his mind.

He thinks of Cas and Lucifer and God...they need them to defeat the darkness, for Dean and Sam and the world to survive this, but will they help? Will God even trouble himself to save his creation, will the father and son but aside their trouble long enough to help Dean and Sam save the world.

Can Dean resist Amara's alluring call until then? Can it be that he could spur God into taking Amara on, could he force both their hands...? Dean's mind spins thinking of ways to bring this to an end...to save the world he's not ready to say goodbye to 'just yet'...even if that means he must bid it farewell.

He looks over at his brother, face hard with determination, but pitying Sam in his confusion and frustration. He feels the same, but he knows the feeling of sacrifice...knows the dilemma of not being sure if what your sacrificing for is worth it. But he does know, this 'flawed' world was worth it...at least to him.

"I'm saying we need an alternative plan Right. The. Hell. Now."

the end.

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